Life

Life

Life has certainly not been easy in fact it has been pretty tough, hard and sometimes it appear near impossible. You see many people they look at you throughout life and they make assumption base on your outside appearance. Many of them rarely ever see the chaos, the pain or the turmoil that is taking place inside, they never ever see the falling tears or hear the screams for help, most never ever see how near to the edge you have gotten, there are times though that you are left wondering whether they really did not see or just choose to ignore it.

I remember growing up as a child the many times that inside I was just screaming help, help me, I can’t cope, I can’t go on, I hate me and the many times that I would curl up on the inside wondering why, oh why am I not love, why does everyone hate me, why can’t they see my pain, my tears, many times I would simply escape to hide under the bed or hide in a barrel placing the clothes on top on me so it look like I was nowhere and at those special alone times would dream of being a princess and having the King and Queen as my parents, dreaming of the fairy tale life style that was portrayed in the fiction books even pretending at times that I was really Cinderella and that one day I would wake up and find myself in the most beautiful palace. Underneath that bed was my happiest moments, yes my happy times because when ever I escape there I always felt safe, always felt that somehow God was with me, at course I never really knew Him but underneath the bed I would always have the best of times, I would secretly read my Bible underneath the bed (the Bible always went under the bed with me as a child), yes my Bible was my constant friend from a child growing up I really did not have the luxuries of comic books and such like so the Bible had become my best friend because under the bed I would go and I would read then I would close my eyes and dream that God has change my whole life that I was no longer where I was so unhappy that I was in a place where I was loved and under that bed I would see the most beautiful sight, a bright light would shine so beautiful and often time I would fall asleep feeling ever so safe because God was near me keeping me safe and often time I would hear my name been scream, a search had begun for me in the house but I would often whisper to God don’t let them find me keep me safe with you for a little longer.

Yes I perceived my life has been a struggle, it has been a turmoil but somehow I got through it because maybe if others had known about my secret place and my secret friend under the bed they might have thought me quite strange and place me in a mad house but thank God that He really was not an imaginary friend He was real I just had not realise it at least not until now, don’t get me wrong I grew up in the church so I knew all about God about His Son who had died, about good and bad and that God wanted us to be good and not bad, I knew about hell and I knew about heaven and although I had my personal relationship going with him because in my dream under the bed he was always the King, my daddy who loved me his princess so much, yes my daddy who always made me feel safe yet still I really did not know Him or truly understand His love for me.

It is only now as I made a choice in my adult life in 2007 years 5 years ago that I truly began to know who God is, who His Son is and what He truly has done for me, the sacrificing of His Son, His powerful love and the many promises.

When I look back through my life and see how difficult it was and I reflect on my time with my imaginary friend because lets face it that is what today society would class it as, I truly believe that it was God that was with me in my secret place, it was him that help me to get through all the hardship, the hard times the only thing is I just did not realise it then, but I am so truly glad that I am not still asleep under my bed pretending that God is really and truly in my life that I can say without a shadow of doubt that He is my Daddy and He really do love me and I love Him so very much and that my childhood dreams of being a princess with the king as my Father is now a reality.

Yes life is often so hard and difficult and while we cry on the inside screaming for help many of our own friends and family fail to see it or pretend not to see it but I am so grateful that even when I did not really know him that God was with me, that God had brought me through.

I know I said life was difficult growing up but I have not told you what the difficulty was and you are probably saying well if God was truly around why was it so difficult but I would say to you if you are alive today look back on your life and see where there are times when maybe you have come through, or escape or survive something that was so extraordinary that even now it is difficult to see how you got through and I will tell you that God was the one who brought you through.

Anyway, you know the best thing about trusting in God , placing your faith in Him and accepting Him as Lord and Saviour is I don’t need to worry, I don’t need to wonder if anyone can see my pain, my tears, my ache because I know God sees it and I know that God will comfort me, God will give me the peace I need, I don’t need to hide under the bed anymore, I don’t have to beg, because He knows even before me that I need a hug, that I need comfort that I need peace and that I need provision and guess what guys that is one of the reason why although I lost my job in July I am not worried about paying the mortgage, about whether or not I eat because I stand on the many promises that God has made to me and believe me I know without a doubt that my God can and will keep me. You see He has done it before in the most remarkable way but of course I cannot seriously tell you everything at once because there is so much to tell of His faithfulness to me and believe me guy’s one of the best thing is how faithful God is to those who trust and believe in Him.

Written by Angela Doreen
August 2012